Healing the wound of a layoff
In any group of job seekers laid off from the very same company you will meet very different reactions. This is normal isn't it? We all have different relationships to an employer or a job. Some feel devastated to be laid off while some are disappointed, and others are nervously delighted. A few are downright overjoyed. Other feelings are disoriented, dazed, numb, furious, guilty, hurt, or sad.
No matter what the reaction is, it is important to heal any wounds quickly because there is a risk that these emotions will "leak out" during networking, or worse yet during an interview! Saying something negative about your previous employer is a major mistake, because the interviewer will hear it as a comment on you, rather than on the employer. They will not be sympathetic.
I can't emphasize enough that no matter how justified your feelings may be about the reason you were laid off, or the manner in which you were laid off, you need to resolve those feelings and put them behind you before you move into your full job search.
So, how do you resolve them? How do you heal a sizable wound?
Consider this: the opposite of LOSS is not GAIN, it is ATTACHMENT. The reason a layoff hurts so much is because we have an attachment to that job, organization, team, salary, status, title, responsibility, etc. It is the cutting of those attachments that hurts so much and causes the pain. The most important goal is to re-establish your sense of wholeness without that job.
As you process what it means to be whole, keep in mind that you were "you" before you ever took that previous job. You were already whole. You are not that job - so you remain whole without that job. You have all of the skills, knowledge, ability, attitude, motivation, work ethic and character that you had before you lost the job. You are a whole person.
Imagine for a moment what you left behind at that previous job. Your office/cubicle, your desk, your title, your chair, your routine with co-workers, your lunch pattern, your customers/clients. None of these are truly part of YOU. They can all be replaced. You haven't left anything of yourself behind. Be sure you realize that fully. Become aware of all of the wonderful parts of yourself that you have within you. They are still there - hold on to them, because you will need them during the job search and in your new job.
Let the other stuff go - let them drift into a memory and you will feel the lessening of the attachment and the lessening of the emotions as well. Do this exercise a few times until you feel you have let go of those attachments and emotions. And then focus on the future and the exciting things that lie ahead. Whatever you do don't keep telling yourself the "story" of your layoff, because that story had an unhappy ending and will only keep getting you upset. Start to tell yourself a new story that has a happy ending - you getting a new and perhaps even better job. The new story will provide the motivation and the positive feelings you need to get through this transition.
Take care of yourself,
--Mike
